Church Night Sailor Style

A few things you should know about me. 1. I'm Catholic. 2. As such, I usually carry around guilt about one thing or another. 3. I swear like a sailor. I'd like to give my mom credit for at least 2 of the three.  Because of her, I'm Catholic, born and raised. Not super devout mind you, but I did my time in CCD (religious education) classes and graduated as full-fledged Catholic.  Because of my mom, I also swear like a sailor.  What's awesome about my mom is that she doesn't even know when she swears.  A "shit" will fly out and as I give her a look for saying it around my kids, she really doesn't even know she's said it. 

Back to the guilt...Max has religious education now until he is a sophomore in high school (sorry buddy!). And every year I feel bad about not signing up to be his teacher. Somehow one of the things about being Catholic that I have embraced is the ability to feel guilty about everything. So this year, I decided I would volunteer to teach his second grade class and give myself a little peace of mind.  If it makes me a better person because of it, well, I'll just have to bear that burden (ha!).

Tonight is the first night I lead Max's class and I'm a bit nervous.  I'm not super "churchy". I've got a belief system that's probably a blend of many things and I'm a bit private about it.  So religious education teacher is the perfect role for me (note dripping sarcasm). Other than being completely out of my element, there is one other small concern I have. I tend to swear like my mom, meaning that some of my favorite phrases might contain a few choice words, like hell, dammit and balls.

I have debated with Peter whether these are actually cuss words. He seems to think "Whatthehell!" might count as swearing. I'm trying to curb it (sort of). Every year at Lent, I try to give up swearing - I'm just not successful. No joke, one year during Lent, I stepped in a puddle and said "God Dammit! I just stepped into a Goddamn fucking puddle!" Then Pete gave me that knowing look and I said "SHIT! I totally swore! Goddamn it!" I believe I am a lost cause. I think it's genetic.

So tonight I am a bit nervous that as I am teaching these young minds, I might accidentally pop out a reliable "What The Hell?" And you'd think that being in church would help remind me to keep my tongue in check. But maybe I'm the only parent out there where church brings it out in her more. Because when I take my kids to church, I'm hard pressed to have a day that I don't say "if you don't sit up straight and pay attention, I'm taking your Goddamn ds away for the next week!" And that's just slips out - I can't even tell you what I say in my head.

Welcome to Church Night - Sailor Style. Ahoy Mates! Wish me luck.