Have you noticed that when we first start out as moms we get
a ton of help? There are support groups at the hospital and local church for
new moms. You go to the doctor every 2-4 weeks to make sure your bundle of joy
is thriving. Problems breastfeeding? There is a sweet nurse there to help you
24-7, just a short phone call away. People make you casseroles. You (hopefully –
US, you are the worst at maternity leave) get time off of work to adjust. But
where is that support now when our kids become older? Sure, I have a tribe of
amazing people I can call and they will all be there when I need them most. But
we all know that our tribe is crazy busy too so we only send out the bat signal
in a dire emergency. I’m talking about the help for the mundane every day
survival we are all going through. Casseroles were nice when I was a new mom,
but looking back on things, I was home more and probably (had I known what I
know now) could have rallied and fed myself. I need you to send me a casserole NOW
when three of us in this house of four are in completely different directions
at the same time. Can I get a laundry nurse instead of a lactation nurse now? I
really can’t understand why football pants would be made white? Why? And maternity
leave? Hey, I’m still a mom and I’ve got kids with ever shifting schedules. If
I ever needed 6-12 weeks off of work, I could use it now. And I’m fortunate to work with a flexible
boss. I can’t imagine life if I didn’t.
Every stage of parenthood is different. I couldn’t believe
the overwhelming responsibility of becoming a mom. Here is someone I love more
than life itself and I am completely responsible for not breaking him? And that
was just the physical stuff! As they get older you realize you can also
accidentally crush their souls too. Just this past weekend I was accused of doing
the “cruelest, meanest, most monstrous thing anyone could do,” which at this
point just made me proud of the Squirrel’s vocabulary. I don’t think the Moose broke
out the word “monstrous” in third grade. Maybe I’m just developing parenting
callouses. But now I find myself with a freshman and a third grader and life
feels crazier than it did when they were little. Sure, diapers were awful, but
so is finding out your third grader DOES have homework and it’s 8:30 p.m.
Changing a diaper is a lot quicker than learning “new math.”
This really started back in the summer with the Moose and
his every changing schedule. The amount of organizing that has to happen to get
someone to a 9 a.m. weight lifting session when all of the adults at the house
start working by 8 a.m. is really a feat. Thankfully I have parents that are relatively close by and can help with schedules like this. I thought things would get better
once school started because then my children would all be locked into one place
between 7:30 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. Nope. We are on-call every night for that text for
a ride home, not knowing exactly how long coach is going to run practice. Just
last night we received the swimming schedule and it is completely the opposite
of what it was before. While I get my Saturday mornings back, I lose my Friday
nights. Practice EVERY Friday night? I can’t even. I am going to lose my mind.
They said pregnancy brain was bad? That was just a teaser for life to come.
Despite keeping both online and paper calendars and
organizers, I still seem to be dropping the ball. Every day there is a new note
or a change in the game. Perhaps I am just too rigid in my ways to think that
if someone says practice ends at 5:45, then it ends at 5:45. Maybe I’m the
problem and just need to go with the flow more. Maybe you are thinking that my
kids are over-scheduled. But I don’t think one sport a season is over
scheduled. And they love it (well, the Squirrel would ALWAYS prefer Minecraft to
swim practice but that’s exactly why we have swim practice.) Am I setting too
high expectations for myself? Honestly my bar for success is so low now that if
I have fed the kids and they are showered by 9 p.m., I consider it a decent
day. I may just be in a new phase of adjustment again, just like when the kids
were first born, first learning to walk, first going to school.
I’m not sure
what I think of this phase yet. It definitely is fast paced and I feel like I
need my A game every single moment. And I also know that I rarely have the
energy for my A game.
I don’t have the answers for what would make this stage in
life easier. All I know is that I could go back to the time when people
volunteered to come over to my house to throw in a load of laundry so I could
nap when the baby is sleeping. And then they could slip out of the house as
they leave a nice meal in the oven. Maybe instead of offering to change a
diaper, now they could help with the math homework that I don’t have the
patience to figure out. In fact, I’m guessing my whole tribe could use that. Maybe
every time you get a freshman in your house, you get 6 weeks of paid maternity
leave, all over again, that you can use as you see fit. Honestly, I have the
feeling I’m going to need a whole lot more than 6 weeks over the next four
years to feel like I have my life in order. But I’m going for the small ask to
start with. Maybe when my kids grow up and have children, I’ll remember this
time. And when their kids get older, I’ll remember that they still need help throwing
in a load of laundry and doing up the dishes, they still need to sleep when they can steal a chance,
and a homemade casserole in the freezer never hurt anyone.
