Today, the "good mom" label that I so desperately seek includes the following:
1. Serving a home-cooked meal every night that doesn't include shaped chicken nuggets.
2. Not swearing.
3. Having a supply of art supplies at the ready.
4. Reviewing spelling words EVERY night.
5. Reading to each child for 30 minutes, individually.
6. Not getting on Facebook until everyone is tucked into bed.
7. See #6, but with your iPhone.
8. Exercising every day because it sets a good example and allows you to keep up with your active children.
9. Serving fruit as dessert.
10. Journaling, mediating and doing yoga.
11. Always having a positive attitude.
12. Remembering the kids' daily vitamins.
13. Getting down on the floor to play with the kids every night.
14. Only reading "meaningful" books, that don't include Fifty Shades of Gray.
15. Taking the kids outside at every opportunity.
16. Always being up for play dough and finger paint.
17. Bringing healthy snacks to the sporting events after sending out the petition for a healthy snack policy to the league parents.
18. Attending all PTO meetings and coaching every sport.
19. Remembering every detail from the past 5 years of your children's lives.
20. Not having fruit snacks in the house.
21. Making your own popsicles out of only fruit juice.
22. Baking bread and muffins from scratch.
23. Taking tons of high quality pictures that are promptly scrapbooked.
24. Joyfully listening to Raffi and classical music instead of "Thrift Shop" by Macklemore.
25. Using only natural cleaning products.
26. Having afternoons off for fun trips to the circus, county fair, and local farm.
27. Working a full-time fulfilling job to set a good example for your children, while still providing 9 hours of engaging individualized one-on-one time with each child before an age-appropriate bedtime.
28. Having quiet, well-behaved children at the mall, library, and every restaurant.
29. Getting to church every week instead of sleeping in.
30. Planning educational and interesting weekend trips.
31. Never drinking margaritas while your children run around outside chasing fireflies.
32. Always looking put together, with clean clothes and fresh looking make up.
33. Never yelling at your children, even if they are slamming the doors for the 14th time.
34. Strictly keeping to the 2-hours a day screen time limit.
35. Having healthy snacks in the car and band aids always in your purse.
Let me just say that if you do 20 or more of these items above on a daily basis, you should just de-friend me on Facebook. If you don't, I will just follow your posts like Single White Female, putting you on a pedestal with the hopes of replicating your perfection while at the same time resenting you for the same reason. Do you every wonder as you drive home from work "How many times did I serve chicken nuggets this week? And is there an appropriate limit? And when does one start counting the days for the week? Maybe the week starts today." I do. And perhaps somedvays my children might think that their names begin with "God Damn It." On a good day, I might be able to knock off 5 of these items from the list. And I keep a "Good Mom" list on my iPhone that I check to make sure I remember those vitamins and the never-ending spelling lists - I swear I'm not checking Facebook while you are telling me what meal you hated at child care from 4 years ago. And if your bath water is too warm? Well, at least you have bath crayons to make art with while it cools. I may even color along. Because, I'm trying God Damn It. And some days, I think that's all that counts.
