One of the best times with kids is when their personalities
start to shine. I SWEAR that Squirrel was messing with me three days after he
was born. He had just come off his feeding tube and we were trying to nurse and
he just wouldn’t wake up. The nurse was saying if he didn’t eat at the next
feeding, his feeding tube was going back in. I looked down to that little face
and pleaded, “Baby, you gotta wake up and eat.” And I swear that sweet little
angelic face smirked at me. I looked at the nurse and said, “Did you see that?”
She said, “It looked like he smiled…” To this day I know that this was the
Squirrel’s first time he screwed with me. And incidentally, that was one of the
last meals he’s missed.
So this summer we had a huge fight that stemmed from climbing
on my counters. Now that I’m a single mom, I’m a little more sensitive to my
loving babies destroying my house because I’m the only one around to pay for
repairs. Nothing like a single income to make you start paying more attention
to how long a certain Squirrel takes a shower (over 20 minutes and that’s
before the golden locks are washed!) or how a certain Moose likes to kick his
soccer ball around my living room.
I walked into the kitchen and found my Squirrel climbing
onto my counters to reach the highest shelf in the cabinet. I shooed him down
and that is all it took. We went round and round about how he could get a chair
or step stool to reach what he wanted but I didn’t want him climbing up my
counters to reach things. Oh the indignation! I pointed out the obvious reasons
for my irrational request –
His Logic
He has always climbed on the counters.
My Logic
He is bigger now and might hurt the counters.
His Response
So now I’m calling him fat!? (Well played)
He has always climbed on the counters.
My Logic
He is bigger now and might hurt the counters.
His Response
So now I’m calling him fat!? (Well played)
My Logic
He could get hurt if he falls.
His Logic
He knows what he’s doing!
My Response
It just takes one slip. (Scoff)
He could get hurt if he falls.
His Logic
He knows what he’s doing!
My Response
It just takes one slip. (Scoff)
Finally Squirrel looks me in the eye and says, “Sometimes
life doesn’t need a step stool. Sometimes you gotta climb.” Mic drop. I looked
at him and said, “That is one of the coolest things you’ve ever said.” My
Squirrel knows a good thing when he hears it and played it off all nonchalant
like he says great philosophical things all the time. I said, “You are right –
sometimes you do have to climb. Sometimes you have to reach your goals and you
can’t take the easy way to do it.” Feeling as though he has won this battle, he
replied, “So you see, that’s why I climb on the counters.” Not so fast. “Um, no
you still have to use the step stool – your metaphor is for life, not counters. But I really liked what you said. That was so
cool.” He slumped off, puzzled that his fight had fizzled out because I was too
busy to think about his words to argue about how he needs to get off my
counters.
The Squirrel is dead on. While it is smart to find the easy
way to accomplish a task, sometimes the hard work and sweat is what makes the
outcome so sweet. Why drive 26.2 miles when you could run it? Why look at
pictures of beautiful forests when you could go hike them? My experience has
always shown me that when I work hard for something, I appreciate it so much
more. Now whether the Squirrel realizes that his beautiful philosophical
statement meant that creativity, perseverance and hard work are the keys to
success, I’m not sure. But he’s really on to something.
Squirrel works hard to find the most challenging way to
accomplish a task. He looks at situations in a totally unique way and finds the
most creative, and sometimes poorly thought out, way to get things done. Moose
works his tail off at sports. He goes in early to practices and stays late. I have
been working on myself for years so I can bring my best to my babies and those
around me. I didn’t know 7 years ago that I would need all of the tools that I
have been building for this moment. It would be easy to skip this messy step in
parenting as we adjust to our new normal and “use a step stool” and just let us
all quietly crumble in our own ways. But I’m reading the books, chatting up the
therapists, talking to the kids constantly and having quiet time of my own for
deep reflection. Is this easy? No, it is one of the harder things I’ve done in
life. But I know it will be worth it. Anything worth doing is hard. The few
regrets I have in my life so far have been from taking the easier way instead
of the healthier harder route. I am trying to learn from those mistakes.
I listened to a podcast recently that said our positive outcomes
to our negative choices are apparent in the now. They are short term gains but with
long term negative consequences. But our outcomes to our good choices, the hard
choices, are more evident in 6 months or more from now. So when we make a
choice, we need to think about how it will affect us in 6 months, not in an hour.
For example I’m trying to feed my body better and frankly, it has made my days
drag by to not have a sugar rush every few hours. (Don’t even ask if I’m giving
up coffee. That is a ludicrous suggestion.) But when I want that Oreo and milk
at 9 p.m., I think, will Jenny 6 months from now appreciate it? One Oreo isn’t
going to impact me much today but the habit of reaching for sugar instead of
just resting with my thoughts will become evident 6 months from now. So the
hard work Moose puts into his sports now will hopefully pay off later. The
creative ways the Squirrel attacks problems may have short term consequences
but future Squirrel will keep learning from his wins and failures and will one
day use those lessons to find ways to solve the world’s problems that we
haven’t even considered yet. And if I keep doing the rumbling as a parent,
asking the hard questions and staying present in the moment, we are all going
to come through this messy season in a better healed place, glued together
stronger than before as we move forward. Sometimes you have to climb, even if a
step stool is easier. Unless it is my counters. Stay off of my counters. The
step stool is within reach.
