A blog post on a Thursday? I know you are thinking to yourself, "She must be like the Dalai Lama who gets up at 3 a.m. to meditate, help the needy and blog. I'm so impressed!" While I'd love to be able to extend my day in the wee hours of the morning to get more done, the truth is that it's 5:30 a.m. and I've missed my workout. It's a bit sad that I have to get up by 4:45 a.m. at the latest to squeeze a workout in, but that is my reality and it's probably yours too. Exercising is how I manage my stress and missing the gym means that today will be a little off kilter for me. But hitting the gym has its downsides too and on this occasion of a missed workout, I'm going to focus on the bright side and tell you why sometimes going to the gym only makes me feel worse, thus justifying why I slept in this morning.
As a working mom, I multitask pretty much every moment I can. In order to stay on top of the world of parenting, high fashion and sex tips, I have to read my magazines while I'm on the elliptical. It's important for a girl to know what's going on in the world today, right?! But sometimes this backfires, which it did the other day when I realized these truths from Redbook, the magazine for women in their thirties who still sort of want to be in their twenties but aren't and yet are too young for Better Homes and Gardens.
Did you know...
1. That at age 35 your lips start to disappear! WTF! I had no idea! As I read this, I squinted into the mirror (which is a bit hard as you bounce on the elliptical and we all know that squinting causes wrinkles too - argh!) Are MY lips disappearing too? I had no idea that during the last two years they were slowly shriveling up like worms on a sidewalk. Good God, I must look like a freak. But rest assured, there are needle-free strategies to remedy this - I just need to hydrate, mix up a homemade concoction anti-aging treatment, and find the right lip color. Whew. Add these to my things-to-do list, right after walk the dog, make lunches, throw in a load of laundry, tell my 10 year old (AGAIN) to put on his shoes to go to school, work all day, make dinner, do dishes, go through the bedtime routine and spend "quality" time with my husband in front of the television. Done!
2. Doctors are talking to their friends about STRESS! Because it's that bad now folks that doctors must talk about it at dinner parties! Thankfully they have also shared their tips with us regular people too. I learned that my hormones are my most unpredictable friend. I knew my hormones were little bitches, but now this confirms it! I'm also supposed to schedule deposits into my relaxation account, which I'm guessing is a bit like my bank account, but a little less flush. I should also forget about chanting and listen to reggae. So last month's advice about meditating was crap. Good to know. And I'm supposed to make an anti-anxiety meal of blueberries, spinach, turkey and chamomile tea. I'm on it - I have to go to the grocery store anyway to pick up the brown sugar for my homemade lip anti-aging treatment too.
3. Protein packed diets are in a super moment! I'm not exactly sure what a super moment is but I don't want to miss it...because it's super. This helpful dinner suggestion recommends the ancient grain, farro. So....that's available at my local Fareway, right? I was hoping my Fiber One protein bar would suffice but apparently I need to go a little further back in time. Who knows, maybe I'll find my full plump lips there too while I'm looking.
In the end, I've learned a few things during a recent workout. I'm a shriveled up, stressed out, under proteined mess - I don't think even a post-workout glow will fix this! But if my brief summary of Redbook doesn't make you feel like enough of a winner, you can finish your workout with a quick spin on the scale. Boy, that always cheers me up. Nothing like being reminded that the ice cream cone (and cookies and chips) from yesterday didn't magically disappear after an hour at the gym. Perhaps I should just stop reading while I workout...
So maybe missing my workout this morning isn't the end of the world. I'm sitting here drinking my coffee instead, which we all know will prevent Alzheimer's disease, according to Better Homes and Gardens (which I don't read because I'm not that old yet.) Time to go fill up my relaxation account with a calming shower taken at high speed so we can all be at work and school on time. Carry on my friends! I'll see you at the gym tomorrow with bells on (and a lip treatment.)
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