You might be surprised to know that I am the "nice" parent. If you are one of my close friends, "nice" probably isn't one of the first adjectives you would use to describe me. When you are someone who likes to find humor in situations, usually has quick comebacks plus has a solid temper, you should know that you have the power to be hurtful. And as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. This is why I work so hard to be patient with the kids and listen when they are having a difficult moment - because when I'm not careful, I have hurt their feelings unintentionally. And that is something I try to avoid. So while their dad is the one that buys the Icees and candy, I am the one they turn to when they are upset.
With the Moose, my husband and I are on equal footing when it comes to parenting - he listens to both of us the same. Unfortunately with my little flying squirrel, he responds better to his dad when he is in trouble. This makes me crazy but at the same time, I'm glad he doesn't know that really, I might be the one you should be scared of. Their dad has a heart of gold and wears his emotions on his sleeve, while I could go sleeveless and you'd never know something was amiss. He also has a booming voice and doesn't put up with too much crap.
This long explanation is necessary to set the background for the following story. It was the Squirrel's first day of preschool and despite being excited to go, on the morning of, he was decidedly not excited anymore. I literally chased him through the house for 30 minutes and never got him out of his pajamas, much less ready for school. At one point, he locked himself in the bathroom, which while it was frustrating, I was glad that 1) he is mature for his age since I'd expect this behavior from a preteen girl and 2) he had taught me how to pick the lock. I tried all my mothering tricks - reassuring him he'd have a great day; rocking him and listening to his feelings; distracting him on a different subject to try to get him out of his pjs; being stern - all to no avail. I was sweating both physically and mentally. Finally, and much to my chagrin, I sent an SOS text to my spouse: "PLEASE come home. Need back up!"
Five minutes later I heard "TRIP TRAP TRIP TRAP TRIP TRAP" (or the garage door open - this part of the story could go either way.) The Squirrel and I hear my husband come in the house. He comes up the stairs and I'm not really sure which way this is going to go. My patient approach has terribly backfired, but will a firm tone work? My husband takes a look at the two of us, wrestling on the floor, red faced and sweaty.
"It's time to get dressed. Today is the first day of school. Your mom and I are going to work and you are going to school. Let's go." The tone was firm, the volume was slightly louder than a conversation and the effect was immediate. The Squirrel quit squirming and foaming at the mouth and started to get dressed. My husband had saved the day. And it was his parenting style that broke through the hysterics.
There are times I think my husband is too gruff and there are times he thinks I'm too soft. But it's important to remember that we need both styles of parenting for our household. The boys need someone who will rough house and won't put up with a bunch of whining just as much as they need a mom who will stay up and listen to their troubles way past bedtime. Thankfully they have a ying and yang in their parents who both love them more than they'll ever know. And this experience was a good reminder that my way isn't always right. Sometimes you need the third Billy Goat Gruff rather than the fairy godmother.
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