It has taken me ten years but I’m finally proud to say that I’m
a DICK. I’ve been called many things in life, but I can honestly say that I’m
happy and fulfilled being a DICK. Of course I’m talking about Double Income
Couple of Kids.
I think when you first have a kid, well at least for me,
there’s a part of you that can keep one foot in both worlds – pre-kids and
parenthood. Let’s be honest, having one kid really isn’t that tough. Sure it is
at first. There’s an adjustment to being 100% responsible for someone who
cannot feed or even move without your assistance. You can’t leave and go out to
a nice dinner unless you find someone to stay home with your child. And don’t
get me wrong. Having one kid isn’t easy! Far from it – I locked myself in my
house for 3 months in the throes of post-partum depression. It took me 6 months
just to be coherent enough from lack of sleep to carry on an adult conversation
again. But once you have a second kid, you realize that one really isn’t that
hard – it’s just new.
With one kid, you soon find that you still have time to
volunteer with those nonprofit organizations, to train for a half marathon, to
go back to grad school, and to work full time. (And if you are smart, you won’t
try to do all of those at once like I did.) Finding a sitter for one kid is
like asking someone for a favor; add in a second kid and you are asking for a
commitment. Once that first child gets old enough, they just blend right into your
life – they help hand out water at the race you volunteered at, they cheer you
on as you run past the finish line, and they can grab you a new highlighter when
yours runs out of ink.
But TWO kids. That changes the game. If you wait to have
your second so that they are spaced apart a bit, you find that you are running
to parent teacher conferences right after changing a diaper and prepping a
bottle. Finding time to squeeze in a long run means getting up after 4 hours of
sleep from a cranky baby so you can get your run in before a 9 a.m. soccer
game. Going back to school means you are missing something. Basically, LIFE
CHANGES. And I’m sure you were all more enlightened than I was because it took
me about 4 years to figure this all out.
I think I initially fought against the commitment two kids
would have on my life. After my second son, I was still determined to volunteer
at a nonprofit, help at our church, train for races and go back to school so I
could save the world all while being The Best Mom Ever. Parents magazine says it’s possible! But for
me, this just didn’t work. Oh I fought against the spiral of crazy for as long
as I could. Everyone else can Do It All, why can’t I? Shouldn’t I be doing more
with my life? It is a little known fact about me that I dream of saving the
world by going to underprivileged areas and being a nurse (or doctor – depends on
how much coffee I’ve had as I daydream.) There are people dying for lack of simple
health care in the United States and third world countries. I should be saving
them. I should be DOING MORE. First step, become a nurse! Let’s do it now!
Or maybe not. Finally one day my husband looked at me and
said, “You have to stop. You are overcommitted. You are stressed and unhappy.”
What? No I’m not! I’m just running to meetings, composing minutes, fielding
emails, going to work, going to class, studying and trying to figure out how to
keep 10 4th graders entertained for hour-long religious education
classes each week (I’ll let you guess which one of those is the hardest.) I
love being this busy and I am being a great mom to boot! But for once I took
his advice and uncommitted myself to projects. “But am I still doing
enough? Who will save the world if it isn’t me?” I panicked. Slowly however, I found myself unwinding. I found myself enjoying “just being a working
mom.” I found myself realizing that I could raise two kids that can save the
world too, making us a family of superheroes (okay, so I still dream big.)
I’m not saying you should give up on your dreams. I’m saying
that life is long and there’s time for doing it all, just not all at once. I’m
saying that raising your children to be people who also save the world is a
noble thing to do. When the boys grow older and no longer need me to run them
to practices or read to them at night, I’ll have time to commit to other things
again too. But for now right now, walking the dog, making lunches, cheering at
football games, reviewing math homework and reading stories is what it means to
save the world. There’s nothing wrong with being a DICK who quietly makes an
impact by just being there for our future superheroes.
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