If I Only Had a Brain....

I guess I should be honored that my son Maximus thinks I know everything.  He comes to me with every question he can think of and is always surprised if I don't know the answer.  I'm sure this trend will reverse and he will eventually get to the point where he is positive I don't know anything and am perhaps the dumbest person around.  Sadly, his little brother Rocky already gives me that look that screams "you are so dumb!" but for now, Max still thinks I am a genius.

Which brings us to a little problem.  I am not a boy.  Now, never before has this been an issue for me.  I've not met many limitations of being a woman other than long lines at restrooms, which is stupid because we are also the same gender that gets stuck with public bathroom duty when it comes to the kids too and we all know that kids can't wait to use the bathroom like we can.  But I digress...

No, the issue is that I don't have a penis.  Or testicles.  Again, I was fine with this, but it has become a problem lately because I am also supposed to know everything, according to Max.  I am so glad that Max still feels open to ask us everything and this is something we encourage him to do.  Unfortunately though, instead of choosing who to ask based on subject, he always comes to me first with his questions.  And lately, I've been stumped because they are about penises (peni? - what's plural here?).  I don't want to get into too many details here, but let's just say I have had my lack of penis knowledge pointed out to me on more than one occasion.  Here is a brief list of things I don't know:
1.  Why it tingles on a roller coaster.
2. Why testicles hurt sometimes.
3. What the insides of testicles look like.
4. Why they are called nuts or balls (I try to stress using just anatomical language...unsuccessfully.)

I've had to refer Max to the "expert" in our house, Peter.  This designation is based purely on anatomy.  Turns out Pete doesn't know all the answers either.  At least I'm not alone.  Just unqualified.