New School Year’s Mom Resolutions 2015
1. I will only serve chicken nuggets and mac and cheese once a week. I know this is an awesome meal for you. It feels like an awesome meal for me too because I have to use a stove top AND an oven to make it, which means I’m practically Julia Childs. But I am pretty sure that your pediatrician would frown if he found out this made the menu more than once a week. Unless dad and I are going on a date because then this falls under the “Babysitter Dinner” category and doesn’t actually count.
2. I will leave cutesie notes in your school lunch only a few times a semester. Look, I feel like a Pinterest mom when I do this and that feels good to me. Parents magazine actually writes whole articles about the school lunch note! But while my kindergartener will find this cool, my middle schooler will find this mortifying. Bear with me – there are times throughout my day that I just want to give you a hug and this is the only way I can sort of do that. And I know that my older son will love the note secretly, but will hide it under his bag of chips. (Yes there is a bag of chips in the lunch - don’t judge!) Which brings us to number 3…
3. All school lunches will only have a bag of chips OR a dessert, but not both. I really don’t need to hear it from Facebook, Parents magazine, any and all parenting articles and my pediatrician that you need to eat healthier. I know. I also know that the crunch of a carrot is simply not as satisfying as a chip nor is fruit truly nature’s dessert. In fact, my personal philosophy is that if dessert has fruit in it, then it is considered a fruit group, not dessert and you are justified to grab chocolate as soon as you can. (But what about banana splits you ask? That sounds like fruit covered in milk to me! Help yourself to a piece of chocolate cake…after the banana split. You deserve it for eating so well!) BUT I love you and do want you to be healthy while wanting to be a somewhat of a cool mom so I’ll make a concession. Dessert or chips but not both. Unless dad makes the lunch because then we all know it’s a free for all.
4. I will not to yell at you for not getting out of bed on time more than twice a week. I’m going to try to be zen mom while also knowing this isn’t my natural steady state. So offering three days a week of being the mom who gently gets you dressed and eating breakfast on a schedule seems like a stretch goal to me, but I’m going to shoot for the stars this year. Three days. That’s what you are getting. I’d suggest you try moving in the mornings so that we can all see this one through.
5. This year I am straddling a kindergartener and a sixth grader. Those are opposite sides of the spectrum for moms. I will try my best to remember my audience based on the child. For example, both boys playing football this year. I will do my best to keep my overly exuberant cheering to a dull roar during the kindergartener’s flag football games while coming decked out in school spirit for my sixth grader’s tackle football games. In my defense, I used to be an aerobics instructor and part of the gig was cheerfully yelling at people to MOVE! I really can’t help it…
I was going to keep going but who am I kidding. This is a gargantuan list as it is. I was feeling pretty confident in goals 1-3 but I think goal 4 is a deal breaker and I’ve failed at number 5 in the past. But this is a new year right? That’s what resolutions are all about!
And now for a resolution to all my mom friends out there: Every time I do something AMAZING, like make a bunch of food from scratch all in one day and freeze it because I am so organized it’s hateful or cut my kiddo’s lunch sandwich into fun shapes, I promise not to post it on Facebook. Well, not EVERY time. I need to brag a little but I will save it for the times I am feeling like a failure in other areas or have done something so truly above and beyond, angels are singing (like the Moose’s birthday cake I made – seriously, did you see it?) I ask that you make the same resolution. And if you are on board, I will know that when you post that you made your kid’s Halloween costume by hand and it is unbelievable, you really truly need a pat on the back because you are feeling low, not because you are gloating at how you are a Pinterest mom. (Save the gloating for Pinterest.) I’ll be under the assumption from here on that you are amazing even if you yelled at the kids to gettheheckoutofbedalready AND served chicken nuggets for dinner that night. We are all in this together.
P.S. I never did find the elusive orange plastic folder that was on the school supply list. The secret is out: It does not exist. Suggested teacher resolution for next year? Only request school supply items that can be found in one store location.
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