If you are like me, this was a terribly hard transition. I am Type A(+) and am overly organized. I have been known to have meals planned out two weeks in advance, I book flights 8 months before a trip and can’t believe it when my flights change, and will discuss weekend plans with my husband, only for him to realize I’m talking three weeks out. Needless to say, I don’t do spontaneous well. So when my wonderful first born was two weeks early, I was in denial that I’d had a baby until his actual due date had passed. Can we say Post-Partum? This was my first clue that life would always be Unexpected and Strange.
Now we are all accustomed to the last minute projects that come home from school, the birthday party invitations that arrive less than a week in advance, and when the stomach flu strikes. After a while, this becomes the norm in your house. We can roll with the punches with the best of them. And that’s when we get cocky. “We’ve got this parenting thing down! I am a seasoned veteran.” Heck, throw in a constipated dog – we are still cool under pressure!
That’s why when the life gets truly Unexpected and Strange, it warrants a moment of pause and respect. After 11 years of parenting, my husband and I were getting complacent. We thought we’d seen everything. We’ve handled food allergies and moody hormones, jeans that overnight turn 2 inches too short and expired medicines that you replace at 2:30 a.m., projectile vomiting and hornet attacks. So when our 5 year old came home and announced he’d been bit by a wild hamster, we looked at each other and knew what to do – assume he’s lying. But no, there was an incident report documenting the attack and a band-aid as proof. No problem – we are still calm, in fact laughing. Wild hamsters! Of course. Naturally we have other places to be and things to do that night, namely our older son’s first middle school open house. Lockers need to be “organized” and class schedules need to be mapped. And we can’t miss The Parent Meeting at the end. And as soon as it was over, we had to zip to soccer practice. But we are used to this type of schedule and weren’t sweating it.
But still, wild hamsters are nothing to be laughed at (well, they totally are, but I digress.) Due diligence calls for me to phone the pediatrician and make sure we just need some antibiotic cream and a lecture about keeping our kids away from wild animals. Blah blah blah. Until the nurse says you need to go to the ER for observation for rabies. Say what? Shit just got real. Hello Unexpected and Strange. Frickin’ hamsters!
We know the drill. Divide and conquer is the only way to react aka survive. Dad gets the ER visit while I do the middle school shuffle, completely distracted by the fact my youngest son is Old Yeller. Didn’t they put that dog down in the end? But please, let me focus on how middle school is a journey, a story, a…what the heck, I wasn’t listening until I received the text that we were free and clear of rabies. Phew, glad that moment of crazy is over! Much happier, I reengage and run my new middle schooler to soccer practice and come home. Home sweet home. Time to relax.
But then I go into the oldest’s room to gather his clothes from his hamper and see a strange sight on the floor. His sheets. Wait! Shit had already gotten real once – I cannot deal with more Unexpected and Strange! He’s 11, he’s been moody, he’s getting close to puberty. Holy crap, it can only be a wet dream! Can. Not. Deal. I frantically text his dad – the only explanation for him to strip his sheets is because they are dirty and the only reason they can be dirty is because he is getting to that dreaded age. Girl moms, you get that first period.* Us boy moms have to have the wet dream, which I want to say is way grosser because Tampax doesn’t make anything for that. Rabies and wet dreams in one night? I have hit the motherload of Unexpected and Strange. I am having a quick word with a higher power that doesn’t mind explicit language and my husband promises to have a word with the oldest son when he picks him up from soccer. I impatiently wait for answers from both.
Eventually everyone is home. I tentatively ask my sweaty 11 year old why his sheets are on the floor, mentally bracing for yet another sex talk. He looks at me and says, “You told me to strip my sheets – that you were going to wash the sheets today.” Now, it is entirely believable that I might have said these words and completely don’t remember it. I am getting old. But I think it is easier to believe that my oldest had a wet dream than to believe he actually listened to me. Now that is truly Unexpected and Strange.
All in all the night ended without rabies or wet dreams – what a relief on all accounts! And knowing my babies, I’m sure I’ll be having these concerns again for both of them. Next time I will be prepared though and life will have to try a little harder to be Unexpected and Strange. Not that I’m daring it! I’m good. Cockiness is over! I’ve been humbled.
*Girl moms, you so have to watch this. Funniest thing I have ever seen. This is my gift to you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEcZmT0fiNM
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