For years I’ve been reading the blogs and articles about how
parents should act during kids’ sports. We should always be supportive. We
shouldn’t yell or get frustrated. We should make sports fun, not work. At the
younger ages, we don’t keep score because sports aren’t about winning. And I’ve
always nodded along, agreeing and of course pointing fingers at those parents
that get uptight and scream at their kids during games. Wow, they are crappy
parents! Little did I know that I was turning into one of them.
To my defense, this isn’t how I started. I was very granola
about sports when The Moose first started playing. “It’s not about winning or
losing; it’s about having fun!” It turns out that this is an easy attitude to
have when your child is athletic. And let’s be honest, winning is more fun than
losing. And if kids are supposed to be able to count to a hundred before they
go to kindergarten, then you can sure as heck bet that they now how to keep
score no matter how much you tell them that points don’t matter.
For the past eight years I’ve watched my oldest play his
heart out on every field and court. And it’s been a blast – even in intense
games where I’m biting my nails, I’ve been having fun. If he lost, I knew that
he had tried his hardest and those Full House moments of “What matters most is
that you left it all on the court” were easily delivered and truthfully meant.
Now I’ve not been the perfect parent. I’ve had moments where I criticized too
much and learned my lesson of when to back off and when to wait to give
feedback. But I felt like I had this sport-parent role down pretty solid.
Then along came The Rock. While highly competitive, he is
also eclectic. His interests range from music to science to sports. He wants to
be just like his big brother (on good days) and play sports too. Or so he says.
I’m beginning to suspect he just wants the uniform…I should have known what was to happen next when he seemed more overly concerned about putting embellishments on his cleats than about kicking around the ball.
As I did with The Moose, I volunteered to coach The Rock
with his U6 soccer team. I’m trying my best to be the fun coach, putting in
lots of games at practice and openly admitting that I know very little about
soccer (as The Moose can attest.) Practices are a bit challenging with The Rock
as he and I have a very special relationship called “See How Much We Can Push
Each Other’s Buttons in the Name of Love.” But otherwise, I am surviving. Until
I had to coach our first game.
As I said earlier, kids can count. And no matter what you
say, they are keeping score. And we are getting slaughtered. It’s 10+ to 1 and
regardless of what I’m saying, the kids know that we are not tied. As a
competitive person, I’ll admit, I’m getting a bit frustrated for the kids.
Losing sucks – even “we aren’t keeping score” losing sucks. But they are working
hard out there on the field and I’m trying to find positives to keep them
going.
Except for one player - The Rock. He’s out there prancing
around, half-heartedly following the ball. He’s carrying on conversations with
me, the other coach, the players and himself more than he’s playing a soccer game.
And all he wants to know is how many more minutes he has to play.
Oh, I was pissed. He TOLD me he wanted to play soccer. He is
the reason why I am giving up my Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings. And here
he is, asking me what’s for lunch at 10:15 a.m. All I wanted to do was yell at
him to run after the goddamn ball and get his shit together! I must admit, it
took all of my restraint to not swear on the field.
Then he asked me why I hadn’t high-fived him during the game.
And I told him maybe if he’d start playing some soccer, he’d get a high-five.
And that was the moment I realized I was one of those shitty parents that
becomes overly competitive during sports. Because here’s the truth: It’s easy
to be supportive when your kid is good in sports. It is not easy to be
supportive when your kid, regardless of his ability, sucks. And I’m not saying
The Rock sucks at sports – quite the contrary. He could be very good – he’s
definitely got the competitive spirit and he’s got talent…when he wants to show
it. And that’s the rub. He just doesn’t want to play competitively – at least
not yet. He wants to simply play. And I’m not used to that. I’m used to a kid
that comes out of a game sweating, always looking to improve his performance
regardless if it was a win or a loss. I’m not used to a kid that wants to make
dirt fireworks (I am not making that up – that’s what The Rock told me he was
doing as he threw dirt clods in the air during the game.)
I have always appreciated that The Rock marches to his own
drummer. He is the kid that will be opening art galleries, making new chemicals
in a lab and putting on fashion shows. And this is something I absolutely love
about him. But I thought he’d do that while kicking around a soccer ball too.
Guess I’m wrong. I realized that maybe some kids just need support because they
got out there and played even if it wasn’t their most favorite thing to do. And
that deserves cheering too – because doing something you don’t love is just as
hard as playing your heart out when you love the sport – in fact, it’s harder
because you don’t have that drive that pushes you when you are tired. And I
didn’t deliver. I guess we both were screwing up on that soccer field Saturday.
So this week, I’m reforming. I’m still not going to let The
Rock wear a bunch of bling to a game but this time he will get a high-five for
simply being out there. I know he’s not always going to be a contributing
member to his team. And that’s still going to piss me off - I can't lie. But I’m going to remember
that he gave soccer a try and that’s going to have to be enough for me. He’s only 5 and that’s too early to predict his future. Who knows, maybe if I play
my cards right, he’ll eventually fall in love with a sport and want to give it
his all. Or maybe he’ll just start designing soccer shoes and make millions.
Either way, I’m going to find my peace with it and cheer him on regardless if I’m
at a soccer tournament or sitting by the catwalk.
No comments:
Post a Comment