This spring I was talking to the Moose and he was
complaining about the song “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper. Ugh, this song is the
worst! He can’t stand it! He doesn’t want to sing this song for choir! And I am
dumbfounded. This song is amazing! Listen to the lyrics! I mean, yes, it’s from
the 80’s. Yes, the song is featured in the movie “Trolls” which we can both
agree is a terrible movie. But c’mon! “True Colors” is an anthem! Cyndi Lauper
sang about being true to yourself and that was okay to be you when other music
sang about sex, drugs and broken hearts. It was the first song I remember about
loving who you are; now plenty of music talks about how you are special, but
back then, not so much. Cyndi Lauper has long been an advocate for the LGBTQ
community before we knew what LGBTQ stood for. What is there not to love?
Moose informs me that EVERYONE knows that they should be
themselves. It’s plastered all over the school. EVERYONE knows we should
respect everyone’s differences and embrace uniqueness. Could we just not have
to sing about it too? So it’s diversity fatigue that’s the issue. I was getting
nowhere defending this amazing song that is twice as old as my Moose. But
diversity fatigue I needed to address.
I look at my Moose. He is lucky. He was born a white male in
the United States. There really isn’t a higher class than that. He loves
sports. He is great in school. He doesn’t have to worry about being picked on
for loving show choir because he also loves playing contact sports. To the best
of my knowledge, he isn’t bullied for being different because he ticks off most
of the boxes for liking what’s “cool.” He is the size of a small tank, but it
works to his advantage. And most importantly, he is good and kind and has a
strong sense of right and wrong. I know I’m 1000% biased, but I think he is
amazing. For Moose, it is easy to show his True Colors. His True Colors are
popular. So how do I explain that his True Colors make it easy to be himself
but there are other kids that struggle every single day with who they are. This
is a message he is tired of hearing and can’t connect with because it’s easy to
be him (relatively speaking.) I’ve got to bring this home.
While it is a poor example of diversity, the only one that I
can think will really hit close to his heart and appeal to his Protective Big
Brother side. While they fight like cats and dogs, if Moose hears anyone
picking on Squirrel, he manages to puff up about three times his size (which is
hard to imagine) and listens very closely for details and reminds Squirrel that
he would be more than happy to speak to anyone who needs to be reminded that we
don’t mess with the Squirrel. So while the Squirrel is also a white male in the
United States, he takes a hard turn and marches to his own drummer. And that drummer
plays a weird beat that only the Squirrel can hear sometimes. This is what we
love about the Squirrel. We never know what to expect from him. The clothes he
wears only show the world the outside of his uniqueness; his brain is so quick
and sharp that sometimes I have a hard time keeping up with him. Often I just
laugh at how quickly he can bend a rule to fit his needs and makes a decent
justification for it too. So I start small and begin to explain to Moose what
True Colors means for other people.
While Moose’s True Colors are not going to get him shoved
into lockers (if you could move him), other people’s True Colors will. He may
not see it but kids are picked on for being themselves every day. They are teased
for dressing differently, mocked for liking activities that aren’t the norm,
bullied for being not white or straight. These kids, who show up and show you
who they are, are the brave ones for being themselves even if it isn’t the
popular thing to do. Every day they have to wake up and make the decision to
show their True Colors even if it means they will be tormented for it.
Now let’s look at the Squirrel. Remember when he wore his
hair down his back? It was so important to him to have long hair. Remember how
much he was teased for looking like a girl? Even family members teased him. He put
on a strong front because I know we only heard about a fraction of what he put
up with. But every day he made a choice to be himself even if it meant his
heart would take a beating for it. Moose looked at me. I was starting to get
through finally.
Raising strong and sensitive adults when examples of
accepted bigotry are on the nightly news is a challenge. I am asking both of my
children to be better adults than the roles models we see. I am asking them to
be brave enough to be themselves. I am asking them to be brave enough to be
compassionate and stand up for others, not because they themselves are being
hurt but because it is the right thing to do. And the brave I am asking them to
be isn’t half the brave the people who don’t fit the cultural standard have to
be every single day. I am asking them to think beyond their own beliefs and to
honor and respect others beliefs and truths, even if they don’t fully
understand them.
We don’t always have to understand it to still support it. I
can never pretend that I understand what it means to be black in America. I can
recognize my ignorance and be sensitive to others’ truths. I cannot experience
being discriminated against because of who I love, but I can stand up for the
rights of people everywhere in the name of love.
Teaching diversity to children who live in a predominantly white
middle class town is a challenge. But it’s our job to remind them that the
world does not treat us all the same. And those of us who are privileged need
to stand up for others who are not. It’s our duty, no matter what our age is. One
phrase that comes up in our house frequently is “with great power comes great responsibility.”
I expect the Moose and Squirrel to save the world in some way. And that starts
with recognizing that we all have a different True Color and for some of us, it
is harder to show. Turns out Cyndi’s song is still relevant today. Who says the
80’s are obsolete?
*If you are looking for some great eye opening resources on race,
I highly recommend the books White Fragility and So You Want To Talk About
Race.**
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