Step Stools versus Sweat or Even Very Smart Squirrels Shouldn’t Climb on my Counters

One of the best times with kids is when their personalities start to shine. I SWEAR that Squirrel was messing with me three days after he was born. He had just come off his feeding tube and we were trying to nurse and he just wouldn’t wake up. The nurse was saying if he didn’t eat at the next feeding, his feeding tube was going back in. I looked down to that little face and pleaded, “Baby, you gotta wake up and eat.” And I swear that sweet little angelic face smirked at me. I looked at the nurse and said, “Did you see that?” She said, “It looked like he smiled…” To this day I know that this was the Squirrel’s first time he screwed with me. And incidentally, that was one of the last meals he’s missed.

So this summer we had a huge fight that stemmed from climbing on my counters. Now that I’m a single mom, I’m a little more sensitive to my loving babies destroying my house because I’m the only one around to pay for repairs. Nothing like a single income to make you start paying more attention to how long a certain Squirrel takes a shower (over 20 minutes and that’s before the golden locks are washed!) or how a certain Moose likes to kick his soccer ball around my living room.

I walked into the kitchen and found my Squirrel climbing onto my counters to reach the highest shelf in the cabinet. I shooed him down and that is all it took. We went round and round about how he could get a chair or step stool to reach what he wanted but I didn’t want him climbing up my counters to reach things. Oh the indignation! I pointed out the obvious reasons for my irrational request –

His Logic
He has always climbed on the counters.
My Logic
He is bigger now and might hurt the counters.
His Response
So now I’m calling him fat!? (Well played)

My Logic
He could get hurt if he falls.
His Logic
He knows what he’s doing!
My Response
It just takes one slip. (Scoff)

Finally Squirrel looks me in the eye and says, “Sometimes life doesn’t need a step stool. Sometimes you gotta climb.” Mic drop. I looked at him and said, “That is one of the coolest things you’ve ever said.” My Squirrel knows a good thing when he hears it and played it off all nonchalant like he says great philosophical things all the time. I said, “You are right – sometimes you do have to climb. Sometimes you have to reach your goals and you can’t take the easy way to do it.” Feeling as though he has won this battle, he replied, “So you see, that’s why I climb on the counters.” Not so fast. “Um, no you still have to use the step stool – your metaphor is for life, not counters.  But I really liked what you said. That was so cool.” He slumped off, puzzled that his fight had fizzled out because I was too busy to think about his words to argue about how he needs to get off my counters. 

The Squirrel is dead on. While it is smart to find the easy way to accomplish a task, sometimes the hard work and sweat is what makes the outcome so sweet. Why drive 26.2 miles when you could run it? Why look at pictures of beautiful forests when you could go hike them? My experience has always shown me that when I work hard for something, I appreciate it so much more. Now whether the Squirrel realizes that his beautiful philosophical statement meant that creativity, perseverance and hard work are the keys to success, I’m not sure. But he’s really on to something.

Squirrel works hard to find the most challenging way to accomplish a task. He looks at situations in a totally unique way and finds the most creative, and sometimes poorly thought out, way to get things done. Moose works his tail off at sports. He goes in early to practices and stays late. I have been working on myself for years so I can bring my best to my babies and those around me. I didn’t know 7 years ago that I would need all of the tools that I have been building for this moment. It would be easy to skip this messy step in parenting as we adjust to our new normal and “use a step stool” and just let us all quietly crumble in our own ways. But I’m reading the books, chatting up the therapists, talking to the kids constantly and having quiet time of my own for deep reflection. Is this easy? No, it is one of the harder things I’ve done in life. But I know it will be worth it. Anything worth doing is hard. The few regrets I have in my life so far have been from taking the easier way instead of the healthier harder route. I am trying to learn from those mistakes.

I listened to a podcast recently that said our positive outcomes to our negative choices are apparent in the now. They are short term gains but with long term negative consequences. But our outcomes to our good choices, the hard choices, are more evident in 6 months or more from now. So when we make a choice, we need to think about how it will affect us in 6 months, not in an hour. For example I’m trying to feed my body better and frankly, it has made my days drag by to not have a sugar rush every few hours. (Don’t even ask if I’m giving up coffee. That is a ludicrous suggestion.) But when I want that Oreo and milk at 9 p.m., I think, will Jenny 6 months from now appreciate it? One Oreo isn’t going to impact me much today but the habit of reaching for sugar instead of just resting with my thoughts will become evident 6 months from now. So the hard work Moose puts into his sports now will hopefully pay off later. The creative ways the Squirrel attacks problems may have short term consequences but future Squirrel will keep learning from his wins and failures and will one day use those lessons to find ways to solve the world’s problems that we haven’t even considered yet. And if I keep doing the rumbling as a parent, asking the hard questions and staying present in the moment, we are all going to come through this messy season in a better healed place, glued together stronger than before as we move forward. Sometimes you have to climb, even if a step stool is easier. Unless it is my counters. Stay off of my counters. The step stool is within reach.