Like everyone else, I have jumped on the Konmari Train. I
started watching Tidying Up on Netflix and watched the skies open and heard
angels singing. I love decluttering – it is one of my favorite things to do!
There is nothing more satisfying than bags full of clothes for Goodwill and
garbage for trash day. I will literally walk by a decluttered room and gaze at
it like a loved one and just stare at its beauty. I wish I were joking, but I
find decluttering so satisfying – maybe too satisfying…now you know my secret
shame.
To have a roadmap of how to tidy up my life sounded amazing!
Because I don’t have unlimited time, I started small. According to Marie Kondo,
there is a specific process. While I know you are supposed to start with
clothes, I started with accessories and email (odd as it sounds, my inbox gets
super cluttered.) Then this month I tackled clothes. I didn’t throw them all on
my bed at once but I did do them in categories. And while I didn’t thank each
piece of clothing or really figure out if they “sparked joy” I still got rid of
bags and bags of clothes. It felt amazing!
I eagerly started to plan my next decluttering attack. You
are supposed to do clothing, books, paper, komono (which means everything) and
then sentimental items, in that order. My clothes were done but sorting through
my books doesn’t sound like much fun right now. What if I start tackling the
stuff in my bathroom? Or all those CDs downstairs? It is a little messed up how
exciting the idea of tidying up my life sounds.
Since I was on a roll with the whole decluttering thing, I
checked out this book called “Digital Minimalism” by Cal Newport. One aspect I
don’t love about myself is how wrapped up in my phone I have gotten. I use it
for everything – probably like you do. It is my mini-computer, my to-do list,
my Rolodex, my soundtrack, my lifeline. And because I have a teenager and want
to connect with him where he is at, I joined Snapchat and Instagram recently
too – more social media! And I feel like maybe this idea of digital minimalism is
just what I need too.
I’m going to be honest, because what’s the point of blogging
if I’m not going to be honest. I might have skipped through large sections of
this book. I didn’t really need the research to tell me why reducing my digital
usage was a good thing. I know it is. I was more interested in the how – how do
I break these bad habits I’ve created? It sounds like you need a 30 day fast
from all digital sources. Cue screeching brakes. Um, I’m a mom of two active
kids. I need to be online. Thankfully it talks about keeping what’s necessary
to keep your life running while cutting out the clutter. Ok, I’m back on board!
Then I get to this section in the book that talks about how
we mask our discomfort with our phones. We connect online so we can keep up the
façade of a happy amazing life. We have lost knowing who we are. We don’t even
know what we like to do anymore because we just go to our phones when we are
bored. Gut punch. And I realize why I’ve been gravitating to cutting out all of
the clutter in my life – the physical and the digital.
Going through a divorce has sucked. And what really stinks
about it is when you take this person away that has been a part of your life
for 25 years, you are left feeling less than whole. In moments of quiet, I
really wonder who I am now. What are my own thoughts and opinions when I’m not
worried about someone’s reaction to my comments? What do I like to do when I
get to make my own choices? I have this overwhelming sense to get rid of all
the excess around me so I can strip down to just me – who am I underneath all
of this baggage I’ve been carrying around. When I look around, what is
important to me? What do I like to do? I struggle to identify myself as
anything other than a mom – the Moose and Squirrel are my world and I am always
looking for ways to make their lives better. But what about for me? I have this
sense that once I get rid of all the extra, I’m going to figure it out.
What I have found myself doing instead of being quiet has
been to soothe that discomfort of the unknown by numbing out with social media,
endless to-do lists, and general running from my thoughts. The idea of konmari
and a digital detox were subconsciously intriguing because I am in a place
where I am trying to rediscover who I am and maybe if I get quiet and throw
away the excess, I might find an answer.
I’ve been asked when will I start dating again. This makes
me laugh because I’m not even divorced yet. Turns out that is a lengthy
process, as anything important should be. But when the ink is dry, I think I’m
going to take a year to detox/minimalize/tidy up. I need to just sit with
myself to meet me again. In the meantime, I’m going to go through the books,
papers, lotions, CDs and yes, eventually go quiet on social media for a month.
Because I think once I’ve stripped away all the extra stuff I’ve been carrying,
I’m going to be reintroduced to someone amazing. I want to learn about her
thoughts and dreams. I want to know what she likes to do and what she thinks
about when it is quiet. And I want her to have a nice, new, decluttered open
space to live her life again. She deserves it.
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