No eggs, no nuts, no peanuts, no lentils, no chickpeas, no
soy protein. It is our mantra. Our Squirrel* was born with food allergies, which
makes each meal an adventure. Every time we eat, we hope that his food is safe.
Restaurants are no longer relaxing but instead a source of stress until I’ve
watched him eat and then I wait. If ten minutes elapse without any excitement,
I switch from being worried about food to worrying about people overhearing my
children having an inappropriate conversation about plugging a toilet at the
library (true story.)
What a stressful way to live. Sure, I guess. From what I
read on blogs and discussion boards, there are people who avoid life because of
food allergies. And that was certainly my knee jerk reaction too. “We’ll never
be able to travel! To eat out! To visit friends and family!” We lived like that
for a little while too. Life is definitely easier and safer at home. But what
fun would that be? After the initial shock of learning about the severity of
his allergies, we decided that we weren’t going to let it limit us. We’d just
adjust. We pack snacks and meals if needed. We call ahead to restaurants and
birthday parties. I research cities we are staying in for friendly restaurants.
We wipe down plane seats. We watch the playground for kids eating picnic
lunches of peanut butter sandwiches. We have a supply of cupcakes in the
freezer for birthday parties. We travel everywhere with epipens and benadryl. I
refuse to let some fucked up blood fuck up our lives. Is it scary? Yes. But
life, if lived well, is scary.
Did you know that food allergies are considered a
disability? Yet, I read articles about people making fun of kids and people with
peanut allergies. We don’t make fun of other disabilities or people with cancer
so why food allergies? This was how he was born; trust me, I wish it was
different. “Why should we not eat a peanut butter sandwich just because it
could ‘kill’ your kid. It’s called survival of the fittest!” Hey, I love peanut
butter too! I eat nuts and eggs whenever I’m not around my Squirrel. However, not
to get dramatic, but yes, a peanut butter sandwich would probably kill him; it has
killed others. To say that your right to knowingly** expose my kid to peanut
butter so you could eat a sandwich, well, that makes you a jackass in my eyes.
Maybe you’ve never watched your child dying because their body was strangling
them. I sure hope you haven’t. Car accidents, sky diving and emergency
surgeries don’t touch the fear you feel when you see your son’s eyes roll back
in his head as he turns gray, and loses consciousness as his body shuts down
because of a bowl of cereal with the wrong milk. Milk. People, it’s supposed to
do a body good…unless it is poison to your body. Then it will shut it down
faster than a sober coed shuts down an obnoxious drunk frat boy. To hear
someone callously laugh about how a peanut could kill someone and that’s just
nature taking care of the weak makes me sad and also want to punch them in the
face. Hard.
Food allergies don’t mean we are picky. It means that we
have to take all food into consideration and God help us (literally) if we
screw it up. If we screw up just a little, it looks like the Exorcist. If we
screw up big time, then it is an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. And that is why it
brings tears to my eyes when other people watch out for my Squirrel. There are
so many of you out there! I am overwhelmed by good people! Maybe you are the
mom who told him to watch out because someone was eating a peanut butter
sandwich at a basketball game. You might be the group of parents at the party
that want to make sure you bring the right food so he’s safe. You might be the
parent who emailed me the day of the birthday party, when I am sure you are
running around trying to get ready, to see what candy he can have in the piñata
and then you go out and put together a special bag just for him. Perhaps you
are his teacher, who called me at 6:45 a.m. to double check with me if the
school lunch would be okay for him. Maybe you are my family who learned how to
bake without eggs so we can have safe meals every time we are at your house,
including Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. Whenever I experience these
moments, I am emotionally brought to my knees because you cared about someone I
love with all my heart. It might just seem like you are being a human being,
but to me, your concern is worth more than gold. It takes a village to raise a
child and it takes a city to raise one with food allergies.
Because of people like those I’ve described above, I can
drop my son off at school, birthday parties and playdates. Thank you all for
inviting the scary food allergy kid! I just tell parents to think of him
like a Gremlin. Don’t feed him or water him and he stays nice and cuddly. And
if you do feed him, please use the cupcake I brought along. I can deal with a
kid jacked up on sugar, as long as it doesn’t have a side of nuts or eggs.
*Yes, I know it is ironic that I call him Squirrel but he
can’t have nuts.
**I said knowingly because you do actually have a right to
eat what you want. You don’t have to apologize for eating a peanut butter
sandwich! I’m talking about the dicks that would go out of their way to expose
my kid to an allergen. They are assholes. You, eating a peanut butter sandwich
at a picnic, you are fine. You don’t know that my kid has allergies. How could
you? And even if you know we are going to be there and you take precautions
like washing your hands and giving us a heads up, great! You are totally fine.
Basically, if you are worried about it, then you are not an asshole.
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