https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VdQc8jxkp8
So here is my Fucket List – a list of things I have totally given up on and acknowledge won’t ever happen.
1. Making my own popsicles. I was going through my recipes that I had saved last week and stumbled upon 17 different recipes for homemade popsicles. I looked at them and crumpled them all up and chucked them. I am never going to make my own popsicles when they involved a blender, more than three ingredients, four steps and when Bomb pops are so readily available at the grocery store.
2. Making my own frosting. Again, see the same reasoning above. If I was supposed to make my own frosting, Betty Crocker would be out of a job. Plus it would put my poor box cake mix to shame and no one wants to shame a cake mix. Have a heart people!
3. Doing my taxes. I did give this one the ole college try. Thankfully I’ve not been audited. My defense would be that I really did try my best and spent HOURS screwing them up. This is why God made accountants. And every year I am happy to write them a check to tell me how much I owe.
4. Taking part in the tradition of May Baskets. If you don’t yet know how much I hate May Day, please read through one of my first blogs. I’m not going to rehash all of this, but to catch my new readers up, I loathe May Day. And because I’m adding May Baskets to my Fucket List, I don’t even feel bad about the damn baskets anymore. By not participating, I’m just checking something off my list. Ah, the freedom!
5. Coming up with cutesy ideas for that creepy Elf on a Shelf. If we could put the Elf on a Shelf IN a May Basket, I would be in heaven. I hate the Elf on a Shelf for three reasons:
1. He looks really creepy.
2. He promotes stalking.
3. Most importantly, he is creating more work for me.
The best I can do with this elf is hide him every day and that still requires me to put a reminder in my phone each night. And when you post pictures on Facebook of him playing in a bunch of flour on the kitchen floor, I’m sure the look of joy on your children’s faces when they find him in these antics outweighs the pain the ass work of setting it up and then cleaning up the mess you made. But still, I’m begging out.
6. Doing the same thing on St. Patrick’s Day with the Leprechaun. WHAT IS THIS? Who came up with this leprechaun business? Was it the same people who invented Pinterest, which we all know is a ploy to sell more craft items and make people feel inadequate? (I’m thinking Michaels and Parents magazine are in cahoots.) I’m not even going to feel bad about this St. Patrick’s Day thing. I’m lucky if I remember to dress my kids in green. I just tell them to tell their friends they are wearing green underwear because who’s going to make them prove it, right?
7. Getting my PhD. I feel like this ship has sailed. I really hate research and I don’t know if I can go back to school for 5 more years. I have to admit, this is only half-heartedly on my Fucket List because I still kind of think it might be a possibility.
8. Getting a Brazilian wax. I’m not sure if I have to explain this one. But the thought of having someone pull hot wax off my lady parts sounds like signing up for labor again, but without an epidural. Unless you can get an epidural for a wax. Then I might be in.
9. Do an Ironman. Weirdly enough, this was on my Bucket List at one time. But then I had kids and realized how much I hate running and don’t know how to bike. Also, I’m scared of fish and you have to swim in lakes. I feel like this one was doomed to begin with.
I’ve got a strong sense that this Fucket List is not yet complete. But this is a To-Do List I’m excited to add to. If you feel inclined, start one yourself! It is like therapy without the Kleenex. I’d love to hear what makes your list. It might inspire me to add a new one to mine.
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