Aren’t we all tired? Aren’t we all exhausted? The pandemic, politics, murder hornets? It is too much and we are all over this “new normal.” I’m even tired of hearing the phrase “new normal.” No big parties, no homecoming, no graduation, the list could go on and on. You go to a restaurant and forget that there may not be seating. Who hasn’t walked into the grocery store only to promptly turn around because you forgot your mask? “Oh,” you think to yourself, “I forgot about the ‘new normal’.”
But what if it’s not the “new normal?” What if it’s just
“normal?” Life is always changing and always shifting. And maybe for you, there
haven’t been major earthquakes in your life, disrupting your “normal.” Over the
last four years, I’ve dealt with nothing but earthquakes – I think I’ve had a “new
normal” every year. Major surgery in 2016 completely changed how I move my
body, even through today. In 2017 I received a Facebook message from an angry
husband that completely changed everything I thought I knew about my marriage.
In 2018, my husband filed for divorce and I had to think about how to be a
single mom. In 2019, my divorce was finalized. By the time I hit 2020, I was
already used to the rules changing on me so maybe that’s why the pandemic,
quarantining and a run on toilet paper is just a continuation of what has
already been a crazy couple of years. Heck, our family started 2020 off with a
broken leg and subsequent surgery in our house – a pandemic just added
sprinkles to our garbage sundae.
What I’m saying is maybe we just need to get over the fact
that things didn’t turn out the way we wanted them to. Maybe instead of
focusing on how it is so different from before, we just focus on what it is –
just a different way of living. What I’ve learned is that dwelling on how
things are different is a bit toxic when we could be using that energy to just
move forward with the new world we live in. I couldn’t help the fact my husband
wanted a divorce but I could focus on how to create a great world in my “new
normal.” Can I run long distances anymore? No, but I have been challenged to
accept my body the way it is.
After the divorce, the mantra in my house is that different
isn’t bad, it’s just different. It’s our attitude about what happens around us
that makes the difference. Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I can’t
believe this is happening to me!” I know I have and that thought pattern
swiftly takes me down a rabbit hole of anxiety, fear and resentment. Now I know
for myself, those three horsemen are not healthy emotions in my brain. They
waste my energy by being completely unproductive. When I feel any of those
emotions, I am too far into them to get myself to do what it takes to change my
situation. Instead we are sitting down with coffees at Starbucks, bitching about
our lives.
I try to practice meditation every day though. And normally
my brain is like a child with ADHD, a box of sugar and 721 things to do, but
that’s part of meditation – finding a way to quiet that constant noise. And
when I filter through all of that noise and mental distraction and pinpoint
that my thought processes are going through the “this is happening to me” film
reel, I can take a moment and change it to just “this is happening.” And that
makes all of the difference.
What if everything around us isn’t personal? What if our
situations are simply just that - situations? Wearing a mask isn’t personal. The
pandemic isn’t personal. Getting a divorce isn’t personal (friends that was a
hard one to embrace.) But changing my mindset really makes a difference on how
I manage change and challenge. Recognizing that things are not happening to me,
they are just happening, takes the emotion out of it and allows me to use that
energy in a better way – finding a way to live with my “new normal” instead of
fighting against it. It allowed me to make a quick shift in thinking from “we
are a broken house” to “we get to create a healthier and happier family.” When
I couldn’t literally run away from my problems anymore, it forced me to face my
disordered eating and negative body image.
I’m not saying I’m good at this. I’m not but that’s okay.
I’m working on it every single day. That’s the beauty of being alive – if we were
born perfect, we’d be boring. Find me the person who has been through 13 “new
normals” and that person will be the most inspirational and interesting person
in the room because they are a constant work of art – evolving to become their
best self in that moment. As one of my best friends told me when I was going
through my divorce, “So this isn’t Plan A anymore. Let’s see what Plan B is. Or
Plan C, D or E. We were never always going to have Plan A.” Obviously she is
wiser than I am.
So welcome to the land of just “normal.” If we are lucky, we
are constantly challenged, forcing us to change into better versions of
ourselves. I want to hear about your Plan B or your Plan W. And think of the
stories we can tell our grandkids – about how we lived through the Pandemic of
2020, murder hornets and elections where ballots were counted by hand. Wear a
mask. Be kind. Love even when it’s scary.
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