Confession: This is my first year single for Valentine’s Day
in 25 years and I still love this holiday.
So many of my friends have commented over the years how much
they hate Valentine’s Day. It’s a manufactured holiday sponsored by Hallmark
meant for couples, etc etc etc. I always thought that maybe I didn’t feel that
way because 1) I was married and 2) I love Hallmark. So here I sit, approaching
my first singles Valentine’s Day since I was 16 years old and you know what, I
don’t hate it. As usual, I’m looking forward to it. And let me tell you why.
Look, you know I’m not someone who buys into arbitrary holidays.
If you have followed me at all, you know how I feel about May Day. But that’s
nothing like Valentine’s Day! Valentine’s Day has chocolate and heart shaped
candy, not stale popcorn and leftover Halloween candy in a dixie cup!
Valentine’s Day is full of flowers. May Day, well, kids pull up some sad rogue sidewalk
violets that droop as soon as they are plucked. I mean the sentiment is sweet
but I’ll take a nice bouquet from 1-800 FLOWERS thanks.
This year though no one will be sending me flowers and
that’s okay. For me Valentine’s Day has always been a celebration of love. And
what this world needs is more love. Love doesn’t have to be romantic love. I
love the Moose and Squirrel beyond words. I love my family. I love my wonderful
friends. I love my pets, even Syd Vicious. I love my job and I love my church.
If I look beyond how I’m “supposed” to feel as a newly single parent (am I
supposed to feel jaded about the concept of love?), I can’t turn around without
bumping into love. So how do I celebrate it this year?
Well, let’s start with my nearest and dearest. Every year I
have given my kids small gifts four days leading up to Valentine’s Day because
well, I just like to find excuses to surprise them and this seemed like a good
outlet. And I like to make this celebration of love last as long as I can. So
in that spirit, I’m leaving them little love notes every day in February on
their bedroom doors. February is a short
month – I can easily think of 28 things I love about my kids.
Let’s widen that
circle. I’ve decided that this year, once a month I’m going to write a friend
or family member and tell them how much they mean to me. This has been a year
where I could not have gotten through it without my friends and family. They
have held me up when I couldn’t stand. They have sent texts, emails, old
fashioned letters, and called. They did not look away when I sobbed in the
middle of Subway – that’s saying something. They have loved me when life wasn’t
easy. It’s always easy to love the cute adorable puppy but when it is an old
arthritic dog, not so much. This was an old dog year and yet I was surrounded
by love.
But what about beyond that? In a year that I know will be
challenging emotionally and mentally, I decided to compound that by coming up
with 19 things to do in 2019 (all from the Happier podcast with Gretchen
Rubin.) At first it seemed pretty stupid to add things to my to-do list that
already seemed overwhelming. But so much of my every day to-do list is stuff I
don’t actually want to do. By making a 19 in 2019 list, these were things I
actually wanted to do. One thing that made this list was showing love beyond my
circle and to involve the boys. We are doing monthly RAK Attacks this year,
which sounds kind of awful but actually is wonderful. Once a month we will go
out of our way to do random acts of kindness. We’ve left popcorn at the Redbox
and left change in the vending machines. I decided that we can each take turns
coming up with ideas each month so I took January, Squirrel has February and
Moose has March. I can’t wait to see what they think of.
So much love to spread out. But I’m missing someone. Myself.
Through the years I’ve struggled to love myself, instead expecting too much and
never achieving it and berating myself for not being perfect. That’s a work in
progress. Now when I have a bad moment and get upset with how I handled it, I
take a breath and realize I’m not perfect and won’t always act the way I want
to. Evidently, that’s called being human. So what can I do to show myself some
love for Valentine’s Day? Well, first I’m going to be around people who bring
me joy. I’m going to be gentle with myself and realize that this might be more
difficult than I’m letting on. I’m finding a good book to read and funny cat
videos to watch to make me smile. I’m going to use an expensive shower burst to
start my day out right. I’m going to move – either by going to the gym or staying
at home on my yoga mat. I might pick myself up a few flowers to cheer up my
desk at work and maybe a heart shaped donut because I love donuts. I’m going to
love someone I’ve ignored for a long time. Me. I am going to be my biggest fan
this year. Heck, I might even write myself a love note.
See, if we reframe Valentine’s Day from something commercial to a celebration of love, we realize that Valentine’s Day is just a reminder to celebrate something that surrounds us every day. It is easy to only see the hate in this world – it’s almost all we see in the news and papers. It’s easy to get wrapped up in all that is going wrong in our lives. But if you squint just a little, you see the love shining through too. In this year of healing, I’m working on building more love into my life, for my sons, for my friends and family, for complete strangers and most importantly, for myself. Because if I don’t treat myself with the love that I deserve, no one else will either. And love is something to celebrate.
Sydney AKA Syd Vicious
possibly one of the more evil cats I know
possibly one of the more evil cats I know
but I love her :)
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