Monday, June 13, 2016

Swab The Deck or Life Lessons on Crutches

Well friends, it has been an incredibly long month. If you don’t know the backstory, I had knee surgery and the recovery is much longer than I expected. You know how we all wish we had more time in our day? I’ve figured out the secret – use crutches! They will make every day feel like it’s 40 hours long.  Most days I’m excited to shut it down because I’ve really had enough already. And I’m not going to lie; being on crutches has not been a pretty experience that I’ve gracefully accepted. I have been mentally kicking and screaming for at least three of the four weeks since surgery. But it hasn’t all been bad. Since I’m looking at at least two more weeks on these bad boys so I thought now would be a great time to share some of the lessons I’ve learned while out of commission.

1. From now on, I’m going to keep my mouth shut when someone is rumbling with something. I’m not going to offer some cliché advice about how this too shall pass, it’s all for a reason, blah blah blah. I’ve learned that you just have to read the situation and know when you should shut up and when that person is ready for a pep talk. There’s a good possibility that the answer is never or at least not in the near future. For example, some very well-meaning people tried to helpfully point out early on that there are people who have it much worse than I do. Look, I know that. And it makes me feel like a horse’s ass that I’m pitching a fit about my short term set back when people have lost limbs or have cancer or worse. But I’m still pissed and need to be pissed about it for a little bit. And now I’m just mad AND I feel like an asshole.  So during these conversations, I learned that timing is everything when it comes to comfort. When someone is having a pity party, just let them be sad and bring them a cup of coffee and a cupcake – a really big cupcake. In the past I have seriously sucked at this rule so I’m glad I got to learn it firsthand. Now if something crappy happened to you, I’m just going to listen; I know that you know that there are people who have it worse, but that doesn’t make your experience any less sucky in the present moment.

2. I will remember to get really excited about the small stuff. Things that have excited me lately: putting on my own underwear; letting the dog out; putting on my shoes. I am like a toddler experiencing a new skill set. You don’t always have to run a marathon to feel that sense of accomplishment. Which is good because according to my surgeon, I won’t be running those anymore – but that conversation is for another day (denial…) And these small independences should be celebrated. Now if I could just figure out how to get a cup of coffee into the living room on my own…

3. Let people help. This has been so so hard for me. I am used to being the ring master of our crazy circus family and I have been barely a spectator these last few weeks. It’s like a huge demotion. I can’t get my own coffee, clean up after dinner, bring in groceries – seriously this list does not have an ending. And at first, it was so frustrating to depend on others. My brain was racing around trying to think of how I could still carry my own weight around the house – I have to earn my keep somehow! But after four weeks, I’m starting to let it go. Maybe just being me is enough for people. They want to help and take care of me. I should let them. The Moose knows how I like my coffee now and I have a feeling it might make him feel good doing something for his mom. My physical therapist was telling me how she’d feel like a failure if she had someone come in and clean her house - that it meant she couldn’t do it all. And I found myself saying, “But you don’t have to do it all. And cleaning a house isn’t that big of a deal – that’s a task you can let someone else do which gives you time for something important to you.” What are these words coming out of my mouth?? Hopefully they are words that will stick.

4. Family means we all contribute. Maybe this is terrible, but my sons have had a pretty light chore list. One unloads the dishwasher and they both put their clothes away. That’s it. For some reason, I have continued to take care of my children as though they are babies even though one is almost 12 and one is 6. Well, being benched means that these future men get to learn that they too need to clean and help around the house. Ladies, you are welcome. These two have learned how to clean a bathroom, take out the garbage, and unload groceries. My favorite moment was when I overheard my youngest exclaim in disgust while putting away groceries “We are doing all of this BY OURSELVES!” Yes, yes you are. This time I’m the one in the living room watching tv and you are in the kitchen putting away groceries. But we are a family and that means we are all in this together, including cleaning the house.

5. I already knew this, but you have to find the humor in life. After a disastrous first bath attempt, Pete and I opted for a shower. One thing you let go of quickly after surgery is humility. So there is Pete holding me up in the shower as we both try to get me clean. I’ve got a garbage sack on my leg and I am very wobbly and all I really want to do is shave my legs. But it’s hopeless that day and I’m feeling low. The next thing I know, Pete grabs the shower head and starts rinsing me off, while loudly saying “Time to Swab the Deck!” I look at him and we both just start giggling. What the hell? He has never said “swab the deck” before in his life and now we are on the Jolly Roger? And thank goodness. Because when things kind of suck, we look over at each other and say those three precious words “Swab the Deck!” and everything is okay. And I am proud to say, I can manage a shower sort of on my own now, as long as everything has been put within my reach.

Don’t be fooled. I am not Miss Positive Pollyanna all the time. I have good days and bad days, good mornings and bad mornings and my days are still very long and frankly exhausting. But if I’m going to be down and out for a while, I might as well look for the life lessons. Because this all happened for a reason and there are people who have it much worse than I do. This is temporary after all…Whatever. This has sucked and I have given myself permission to be mad about it. But I will admit that there have been good things about it too. Please get me a cup of coffee first and we’ll talk about them. You didn’t happen to bring a cupcake with you, did you?

No comments:

Post a Comment