Everywhere you look, there are ways to increase your child’s happiness for a fulfilling childhood. We can throw “Just Being You” parties, customize every item of clothing and accessory for them, celebrate fake holidays (“National Hot Dog Day!”) and check out the list of 50 great things to do on an average day. Life is fun every minute! And then with another click of a button we can read a lament about how we should go back to the way things were, when we drank real Kool Aid and watched Three’s Company without understanding the sexual innuendos. Our kids should be doing homework at night – but not too much homework – and doing chores around the house to earn money. No screen time and family game night...every night.
It makes me wonder (and laugh, and tag the article to refer to later, and roll my eyes because I can’t decide if I’m on board or think it’s insane), what the heck is “good” parenting anymore. I look over my day, week, year and sometimes I’m Super Mom and sometimes I’m Barely Holding It Together Mom. Every day is a highlight reel and a bloopers clip. Depending on the time of day, you could think I’m amazing or be on the phone to DHS.
For example, here’s a sample of my successes and failures:
• I refuse to do Elf on a Shelf or the stupid leprechaun for St. Patrick’s Day. Why would I want to create more of a mess in a house that borders on a Red Cross disaster zone? I am a fun hater.
• Reportedly, I make fantastic monkey bread in the mornings after sleepovers.
• I like to bake from scratch and have no problem whipping up a batch of cookies after a long day at work.
• I don’t keep track of screen time, not because they aren’t on the ipad and TV, but because I’m lazy.
• I bring healthy snacks from home instead of eating at concession stands during games. I hate concession stand food.
• Sometimes I skip stories at night and my bedtime routine consists of repeatedly saying in louder and louder tones “Brushyourteethgopottyandgotobed.” I simply do not have the energy at the end of the day for elaborate bedtimes and besides, they don’t go to bed anyway if I do. Instead, please go eat one of my fresh baked cookies right before you brush your teeth.
• I make breakfast on Wednesdays because it’s hump day.
• I swear. A lot.
• I have endearing (in my opinion) nicknames for my babies.
• We eat dinner as a family almost every night and go through everyone’s Pit and Peak, including any guests (sorry if this is awkward for you - no one is exempt.)
• We haven’t been to church since Easter and I’m not even sure where our church is going to be next.
• Game night often ends in someone being sent to their room.
• I make a fruit tray every week so there is always fresh fruit available, if hell should ever freeze over and they choose that for a snack instead of pretzels or a granola bar.
• I coach my son on how to text a girl.
Remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books from our childhood, where you could decide what happens to the character next and it changes the outcome of the story? Well life isn’t always that easy. There are people out there with horrific childhoods that are amazing adults and people who grew up in privileged homes that are assholes. You can hit all the marks as a parent and it still does not guarantee how your kid turns out.
Am I a good mom because I make dinner every night at home or am I a bad mom because the boys eat sugar like Buddy the Elf while on the ipad? Neither. I just get some things right and other things not so right. And you do too. Who cares? What I’m saying is do your best. And there are days your best sucks. And I’m going to try not to judge you for it. Well, I’m totally going to judge you if you hit your kid or intentionally emotionally scar them – because then you are a piece of shit. BUT if you are out there doing your best, there will be sunshine and accidental bruises along the way. Heck, you look the wrong way at a hormonal middle schooler and you'll make them cry or stomp off - and that's without even TRYING to tick them off! None of us have this figured out and trust me, I only highlight my successes on social media, just like everyone else. No one is posting that they found a bucket full of candy wrappers in their six-year old’s room (true story) but they are snapping pictures of the super healthy dinner they just served. Too bad my six-year old is too full of sugar to eat it.
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