Maybe it's because I've been working more lately. Maybe it's because the days are getting shorter. Or maybe it's because my youngest angel has started to bite people like he's Hannibal Lector. Whatever the trigger, I'm starting to wonder how much longer I can juggle it all well. Or at least moderately average.
You know that point in your life where you look around and you think, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep the balls in the air. Work has increased and I find myself working late (as in coming home at bedtime) about once a week, not to mention carrying the stress of work with me like a heavy weight. The Moose's schedule has increased to include two sports, scouts and religious education, plus there's homework. Peter's work schedule has him trading places with me when I get home. And the Rock has decided to start acting out at school.
It came to a head when I got a call that the Rock had decided to use his teeth instead of his words to express his frustration over a train with a "friend" - a very yummy friend it would seem. Pete picked him up later that day and the teacher asked if anything was going on at home because the Rock has been consistently bringing home multiple colors of "lights" a week (green=good, yellow=not-so-good, red=what-the-hell). No, nothing is going on at home. It's good to know that we are starting to resemble a crumbling family. But really, maybe something is. I think we all have been feeling like we are running on an out-of-control treadmill lately and I'm not sure why. Sure the kids are busy and we are busy but this seems like...more.
And this leads me to my natural conclusion that I must be doing something wrong as a parent. The age old debate of being a working mom or a stay-at-home has reared its ugly head again, even after 8 years of this delicate balancing act. As wise old Jackie O said, "If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much." Or as I say, "Don't fuck it up." I have a death fear that maybe I am. I cook, bake and clean instead of playing tractors or Pokemon. I schedule outings instead of sitting still. The Rock is turning three and as I am planning on testing 3 possible cake recipes this weekend for his upcoming birthday party, I think, maybe I should just sit down and stop.
I love these moments of self-doubt. Maybe the Rock is acting up because we've been running around like chickens lately. But maybe he's acting up because he's almost three and his name is Rocco. I will never know. But I think for today it's time to wrap up my workday, head home and catch the kids before they go to sleep. And this weekend, I'm turning off my work email on my phone. I'm going to need all my attention for my family, especially if I'm going to dodge the biter while I shout spelling words to my third grader.
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