What the ?

Many have asked, "Why haven't you blogged lately? I'm looking forward to your next post!" Okay, well maybe not many, maybe more like 3 people. But either way, I have a really good excuse - 2 in fact.
1. I have been CRAZY BUSY at work and home.
2. I gave up swearing for Lent.

And it's the latter that is really the cause for delay because half of my vocabulary was removed for 40 days. Now, some people say that stupid people use swear words because they aren't smart enough to have a larger vocabulary. And to them I say, screw you. I have a great vocabulary. But I also enjoy swearing. In fact, I have found it to be very useful. Let me explain.

1. Swearing makes you NOT sound stupid. During Lent I tried many alternatives such as "good heavens", "good gracious", and "my word." And I sounded stupid. Finally I reverted back to my standard "what the hell?!" I justified this by remembering that hell is actually a location, not necessarily a swear word. I also say it quickly like "whatthehell" and that isn't even a word in the first place. Either way during my little verbal fast, I learned that I sound a little less dumb if I just say what I mean. What the hell does Good Gracious mean anyway? Seriously.

2. Swearing helps me know when my children are lying. It is no secret that I might swear in front of my children. Not YOUR children if they are visiting, just mine. I feel that if they are going to say a swear word, they better use it correctly and who better to learn that from than your mother. A while ago Max came home upset because at school he got in trouble. The teacher thought he said "shit." He told me he said "the chair shifted" and everyone thought he said "shit." Well, obviously my son is telling the truth and I can tell because I know he would never say "the chair shitted" - it doesn't make any sense at all. And trust me, the Moose knows how to drop a well placed cuss word if necessary.

3. Swearing makes me a better mother. Two months ago Rocco learned how to lock the back door in the car with his foot. He also learned that it is really funny to lock it when I'm trying to get him out of the car. One afternoon I spent 5 minutes unlocking the door, only to see Rocco through the car window, looking me straight in the eye, tapping the lock button with his foot. In fact, he kept his foot positioned in place so that as soon as he heard the door unlock, he could tap the lock as quickly as possible so that I still couldn't open his door. He is talented and gifted and has the reflexes of a sprinter so despite my keeping one hand on the door handle and one hand on the unlock button, he beat me everytime. And I turned my head and loudly whispered "Motherfucker!" A few attempts later I actually beat him at his game. And we both went into the house. Now, without the "motherfucker" I'm sure I would have totally lost it on him and screamed my fool-head off. But the release of the F-bomb brought me just a little peace and calm. And thus, it made me a better mother.

So now that I have all of my swear words at my full disposal again, I'm sure I'll be back to blogging. Unless things become a clusterfuck again. Ahh, it felt really good to say that.