Wow, it's been a while! Where have I been you ask? Well, I went to Florida to run a marathon with my best friend...no, really, I did. But lately I've been curled up in the fetal position in the corner of my kitchen, drinking Kool Aid, wishing it were wine and waiting for the insanity in my living room to stop.
Basically, I've been busy being a mom.
Why is it that there are days that being a mom is the most wonderful thing in the world? I have days where I get the kids involved in art projects, I make a creative lunch that everyone eats, we snuggle, read, watch a movie and everyone is happy. And I think, "Yes, this is what being a mom is all about. My boys love me and I love them. It's too bad I'm not a stay-at-home mom." THEN I have days (that have been a bit frequent lately) where I realize that the boys are trying to kill me, at least mentally and emotionally. And I really am huddled in the kitchen, hiding, counting down to bedtime. That's when I realized that being a mom is a bit like having osteoporosis. There are times that kids will just suck you dry and leave you a brittle, fragile (at least mentally) person.
One of the great things about being a parent is that you get to relive all of that kid-stuff, like Halloween (G-rated), Disney movies and trips to the zoo. You get to see things through their eyes again (cue cliche). It's also times like these when you notice other details, like how the tigers that pace in front of their cages at the zoo actually have a crazed look about them, and you realize that you too sometimes have that same mad-look when stuck inside your house all day with your kids because it's too cold to go outside.
But wait my friends, there is hope! Much like osteoporosis, there are things we can do to stop our children from breaking us down, sucking out our energy and leaving us in a pile of dust on the floor.
Here is my list of prevention against osteoporosis and kiddoporosis (sorry - it's the only name I could come up with - see proof of kiddoporosis - this was my best and it is pathetic):
1. Gender
It pays not to be female when it comes to osteoporosis. It is definitely a disease that strikes women more than men. It also appears to pay not to be female to prevent kiddoporosis because if you weren't a female, you wouldn't be a mom. Um, not much you can do about this one. Sorry.
2. Age
Being old is a risk factor to osteoporosis and there's nothing you can do about it. See above. Sorry.
3. Drink Milk
Finally! Something you have some control over. Calcium is supposed to help prevent osteoporosis. But I don't think drinking milk helps with the decline of kiddoporosis, although it is still good behavior to model. I would like to tweek this piece of advice a bit and recommend drinking alcohol. It definitely helps me when I have a beer and then hear the kids scream at each other, jump on each other and throw soccer balls at my new TV. I feel a little less insane and my voice sounds a little less loud (in my head) as I yell at them that for the last time, NO MORE THROWING BALLS IN THE HOUSE!
4. Exercise
Weight bearing exercise is a great prevention tool against osteoporosis. And I fully throw my support behind this for kiddoporosis. Why? Because my friends, you are either going to be running after your children or running away from them (did I mention the marathon earlier?). And I have a personal motto that I always want to be stronger than my kids because it's important that they always know that Mom is the Boss. The problem is that I'm 5'2 and I have two boys. In fact, Moose, at the ripe old age of 7, only weighs 50 pounds less than I do, which tells you 1) I don't have much time to seriously start lifting weights and 2) I really need to get to work losing the baby weight from the Rock. Either way, I'm going to have to become a body builder, but hey, anything for the kids, right?
So good luck everyone! Pray for the days when parenting is a blast. And drink wine and run (away) when parenting sucks. Or at least hide in your kitchen with a pitcher of Kool Aid until the kids pass out from exhaustion.
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