This is dedicated to my friend that understands my deep love for all things that allow me to stay awake.
One thing you may or may not know about me is that I have a burning desire to be perfect. Perfect at everything. Healthy? No. But it is who I am. And it has led to what might possibly be a slight obsession with coffee. It is my drug of choice.
This little habit started at a young age. I remember sitting at the breakfast table, probably at the age of 4, with a little cup of coffee (with cream of course - black is for adults!), a bowl of Rice Chex and toast with butter. (Side note parents - your children will remember EVERYTHING YOU DO.) Is this the reason I am 5'2 as an adult? I don't know, you can be the judge. I'm sure my parents thought it was cute to have their little daughter drinking coffee with them in the morning. Nowadays it would be considered a health hazard, but then again, we didn't use car seats either so coffee was probably the least of my worries.
Coffee is actually my comfort food as well. At my parents' house, I don't reach for cookies or mac and cheese. I reach for a cup of coffee - regardless of the time of day. Just the other week my mom chided me when I told her I'd already had 4 cups of coffee that day; she said that was hardly any - I caved to the pressure and poured another cup. Mother knows best, right? I drink a cup before I go out for a long run. I rehydrate with coffee after a workout (water is for sissies). And it goes without saying that you should not speak to me before I've had a cup. Or three.
As a mom, I find that drinking coffee makes me the best mom I can be. See, I made the ultimate sacrifice early on and went cold turkey on all things caffeinated the minute I found out I was pregnant - because that's what good moms do (see paragraph 1). As soon as my year of breast feeding was up, I was back on the juice. In fact, I would drink that first cup of coffee while I cried about my babies growing up. Please note that the absence of coffee AND hormones are a lethal combination.
There have been lots of people who ask me why I would go back to drinking the nectar of the gods after I had given it up for 2 years (TWICE!). And I say, why the heck wouldn't I stop stop drinking coffee?! (Triple negative if you are counting.) Do I like being a zombie? Do I ever get 8 hours of sleep? Did I LIKE not drinking coffee? No - I like being the best pregnant/breastfeeding mom around by making the sacrifice of giving up my only vice during one of the hardest times of my life in terms of sleep, stress and insanity - because I am a show off. And now that the life of my child(ren) does not depend on my diet, I fully intend on living my life aware of my surroundings again. Truly, it is the only way I can keep up with 2 boys on totally different schedules and interests and a full time job, among other personal commitments like runs and volunteering.
Max has never wanted to try coffee. Rocco on the other hand says he "yikes" coffee. Of course Rocco likes all things he's not supposed to do so I don't completely believe him yet. And a 2 year old named Rocco on coffee is just as bad as it sounds. Guess who gave him his first sip? Here's a hint - she's mentioned above and is my enabler as well. Leave it to Grandma to teach the kids to drink coffee and swear (reference to a few blogs ago - catch up if you are behind). Thanks Mom!
Now since I've been off coffee and been on it, people ask don't I feel healthier not on coffee? No. I feel like crap because I'm exhausted and worthless. My kids are lucky they aren't named Folgers and Maxwell House. Well, I guess Max is close. But that wasn't intentional. Right?
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
What the ?
Many have asked, "Why haven't you blogged lately? I'm looking forward to your next post!" Okay, well maybe not many, maybe more like 3 people. But either way, I have a really good excuse - 2 in fact.
1. I have been CRAZY BUSY at work and home.
2. I gave up swearing for Lent.
And it's the latter that is really the cause for delay because half of my vocabulary was removed for 40 days. Now, some people say that stupid people use swear words because they aren't smart enough to have a larger vocabulary. And to them I say, screw you. I have a great vocabulary. But I also enjoy swearing. In fact, I have found it to be very useful. Let me explain.
1. Swearing makes you NOT sound stupid. During Lent I tried many alternatives such as "good heavens", "good gracious", and "my word." And I sounded stupid. Finally I reverted back to my standard "what the hell?!" I justified this by remembering that hell is actually a location, not necessarily a swear word. I also say it quickly like "whatthehell" and that isn't even a word in the first place. Either way during my little verbal fast, I learned that I sound a little less dumb if I just say what I mean. What the hell does Good Gracious mean anyway? Seriously.
2. Swearing helps me know when my children are lying. It is no secret that I might swear in front of my children. Not YOUR children if they are visiting, just mine. I feel that if they are going to say a swear word, they better use it correctly and who better to learn that from than your mother. A while ago Max came home upset because at school he got in trouble. The teacher thought he said "shit." He told me he said "the chair shifted" and everyone thought he said "shit." Well, obviously my son is telling the truth and I can tell because I know he would never say "the chair shitted" - it doesn't make any sense at all. And trust me, the Moose knows how to drop a well placed cuss word if necessary.
3. Swearing makes me a better mother. Two months ago Rocco learned how to lock the back door in the car with his foot. He also learned that it is really funny to lock it when I'm trying to get him out of the car. One afternoon I spent 5 minutes unlocking the door, only to see Rocco through the car window, looking me straight in the eye, tapping the lock button with his foot. In fact, he kept his foot positioned in place so that as soon as he heard the door unlock, he could tap the lock as quickly as possible so that I still couldn't open his door. He is talented and gifted and has the reflexes of a sprinter so despite my keeping one hand on the door handle and one hand on the unlock button, he beat me everytime. And I turned my head and loudly whispered "Motherfucker!" A few attempts later I actually beat him at his game. And we both went into the house. Now, without the "motherfucker" I'm sure I would have totally lost it on him and screamed my fool-head off. But the release of the F-bomb brought me just a little peace and calm. And thus, it made me a better mother.
So now that I have all of my swear words at my full disposal again, I'm sure I'll be back to blogging. Unless things become a clusterfuck again. Ahh, it felt really good to say that.
1. I have been CRAZY BUSY at work and home.
2. I gave up swearing for Lent.
And it's the latter that is really the cause for delay because half of my vocabulary was removed for 40 days. Now, some people say that stupid people use swear words because they aren't smart enough to have a larger vocabulary. And to them I say, screw you. I have a great vocabulary. But I also enjoy swearing. In fact, I have found it to be very useful. Let me explain.
1. Swearing makes you NOT sound stupid. During Lent I tried many alternatives such as "good heavens", "good gracious", and "my word." And I sounded stupid. Finally I reverted back to my standard "what the hell?!" I justified this by remembering that hell is actually a location, not necessarily a swear word. I also say it quickly like "whatthehell" and that isn't even a word in the first place. Either way during my little verbal fast, I learned that I sound a little less dumb if I just say what I mean. What the hell does Good Gracious mean anyway? Seriously.
2. Swearing helps me know when my children are lying. It is no secret that I might swear in front of my children. Not YOUR children if they are visiting, just mine. I feel that if they are going to say a swear word, they better use it correctly and who better to learn that from than your mother. A while ago Max came home upset because at school he got in trouble. The teacher thought he said "shit." He told me he said "the chair shifted" and everyone thought he said "shit." Well, obviously my son is telling the truth and I can tell because I know he would never say "the chair shitted" - it doesn't make any sense at all. And trust me, the Moose knows how to drop a well placed cuss word if necessary.
3. Swearing makes me a better mother. Two months ago Rocco learned how to lock the back door in the car with his foot. He also learned that it is really funny to lock it when I'm trying to get him out of the car. One afternoon I spent 5 minutes unlocking the door, only to see Rocco through the car window, looking me straight in the eye, tapping the lock button with his foot. In fact, he kept his foot positioned in place so that as soon as he heard the door unlock, he could tap the lock as quickly as possible so that I still couldn't open his door. He is talented and gifted and has the reflexes of a sprinter so despite my keeping one hand on the door handle and one hand on the unlock button, he beat me everytime. And I turned my head and loudly whispered "Motherfucker!" A few attempts later I actually beat him at his game. And we both went into the house. Now, without the "motherfucker" I'm sure I would have totally lost it on him and screamed my fool-head off. But the release of the F-bomb brought me just a little peace and calm. And thus, it made me a better mother.
So now that I have all of my swear words at my full disposal again, I'm sure I'll be back to blogging. Unless things become a clusterfuck again. Ahh, it felt really good to say that.
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